GOOD
I think the basic story is complete- I have a completed hero's journey from end to end.
Good explanation of differences in lifestyle before, during and after- good explanation of transformation and realization of self.
BAD
I definitely try to explain things in too few words. With a technical sport such as kite boarding it is difficult to teach let alone explain in words on paper- I just need to take some time and explain what I am actually trying to say. As Kat said unwrap my ideas.
Good explanation of the journey, but not enough of what I learned from my experiences- Go through my document and elaborate on some important aspects that I just brushed on.